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[04 Mar 2004|12:56pm] |
they say destruction is the most influential form of creation.
but i've made a new journal anyway: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) likeastreetmap.
i guess i'm just avant garde that way ;)
p.s. its invention doesn't imply content (i've not written anything yet.)
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[25 Feb 2004|09:55pm] |
why does speaking in a guise inspire me?
why does turning to the old black background and white text excite me?
things i want to do:
cut
make a new journal with a dark facade
pray, pray, pray, pray
why i won't do the first two:
-a girl called em:
i want to bring you into the happiest world there can be.
and that is why i will not fail into darkness.
why i will do the last:
-see above
-because i really really want to
this is how simple it is to fall out of place. for your mind to detach itself from the body, no, from reality, and forget what it has learnt.
this is why i write down so much, to let me know, when the knowledge is forgotten, what i have forgotten, and what must be relearnt.
this is why i despise the internet, because it results in nothing, although tonight my saving resulted from a person on it.
this is why time is not infinite, to test your ability to determine how it is most beneficially spent.
...over and over i forget how important certain things are, and certain people. about certain things to say, and possibilities i continue to allow to lay dormant.
last night, clear and simple, Nathaniel told me to give to God what He had been asking for for so, so long. i said, Nat, man, my heart must continue half filled, for i fear for my creativity - that it will be revoked and i will become lost once more. he told me the story of a man who gave his child to God, the child who meant him his world. i decided to do the same. (not give him a child though... ah! you know what i mean!!)
tonight means reality. i watch Angel and then that show afterwards, Miracles.. which I recommend to many people, or just a few. the introduction contains such vividly beautiful imagery, and the show is so challenging of expectations. if it were a river it would be sparkling and dangerous underneath ...
(yeah, that's reality. why? it's just come to feel at home. self harm during the latter became an accidentally habitual thing. maybe it's all about how alive i felt afterwards.)
so the world is beautiful, why can't you see? the sun as it hides among the trees is only waiting for you to find it. the ocean is an expanse so that you might discover and explore it. and if only within your imagination, that still, is fine. have you ever closed your eyes and opened your mind, only to take a breath? gotten lost in an absence of speech, only to hear the world wash over you? every living thing, animal and tree, turned around to see this child who lives life, not just races through it? have you ever felt such love that it hurt, and pined so hard that you forgot about yourself completely, forgotten to exist at all? can you tell me that pain like this is not justified, when the love you feel inside is so equally as tall? can you foreground every happy moment in your life, just to smile at a fallen world, turn anguish into hope and feet into wings?
do not be ashamed of smiling. your beauty is waiting to bathe the world in light. if you cannot see it, then you have not yet smiled. you can only believe in yourself, if you've made a purpose to believe. a purpose that is within your grasp to make, and only requires a single step to begin.
can you not see the beauty of this world, the worth of staying? can you not open your arms to save the world, and smile at what you've done? can you not see the faces of your friends, their sorrow at your leaving? come.. see the obvious importance of your living. i need you. the world loves you. you are worth it because we say you are. and if you don't believe you are worth it, then make yourself worth it. do something of importance. find satisfaction in life. because life finds satisfaction in you.
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[23 Feb 2004|09:27pm] |
I was in a far-away suburb not too long ago.
I looked up into a tree to see the decay.
The broken, deadened branches and leaves, lining the inside.
But I left the shadows to look at the tree from across the street.
Perfect.
...
My poetry has become simple words.
Every occasion lately has been fun.
Should I watch the glass break?
Or shield my eyes with a distraction?
Well I'll pray under the window, either way.
...
Today was orientation day. The sun was on speed and it tore up the grass with its fiery countenance. The grass? On Henderson Court, our new play area, with trees that support the "ever forward" motto, as far as they can into the sky. The sun is broken by their rise, and dashed across the floor.
We sat in damaged circles as if we'd been a group all our lives.
...
At university there are many females who wear shamelessly skimpy clothing, as if they are on show in a modeling agency window. I am told that "it's the fashion". Fashion is degrading. I expected more intelligence from university students. Are my expectations far too high? Or are they just far too low? .. Well I'm sure they're very good people. Right?
...
Trees are shooting stars that don't manage to get too far, up away from th'Earth, before the dirt and trashy notions of a crime filled social structure, chill their path. And in the full moon born over frozen ocean, these escaping spirits harden in a shell of self-defense, untrust and despair.
And with this despair attacking their safety, the deep fear within their eyes, they struggle upwards once again, pushing petal'd paths in hopeful reach of completion, to fill the sky with bursts of leaves, the slender remnants of a forever distant (star) light, still only ruins of what they could have become.. .
...
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[15 Feb 2004|11:57am] |
( behind closed minds )
last night was good.
thanks go out to Rachel and Fiona for the parties, and everyone i spent time with on here.
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[09 Feb 2004|03:12pm] |
okay, so my+rhi's community has appeared.
anybody interested in rpg'ing is permitted to apply for membership (just give me a buzz, or comment here)
the world is free range, there are very few limits on character or setting.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) starsbetween
and i've just discovered you can touch-type the majority of the name with just one hand.
nothing of the community requires you to write fantasy.
for those of you who find their forte in realism, your place here is as welcome as the (dragon slaying) next.
the journal is friends only, bar the first two entries.
if you wish to know more, contact i or rhi.
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[28 Jan 2004|12:30pm] |
it had always been a picture in my mind to move out into a house with alex and henry.
in my mind there would always be a selection of beanbags, and one would be blue, much like the sky at night, less like my shoes and much deeper.
computers would sit in a dark room, made light by the dim yellow glare of their operations on screen. sombre patterns would dance about the walls, always on, but never attended.
my room would be either be a drab affair or full to bursting, the extreme of which i cannot decide in my eyes. never the less, the walls would sport a slow sort of colour, dark brown or maroon. people would often pop their head about the door in inquiry, to see me lying on a non-descript bed, to which i would reply and they would leave in understanding.
the house is not in fremantle, the kitchen is bright with shining white tiles and windows that only let sight in and not out - except for a wavy displacement of buildings and standard trees.
mel or claire is often over in the mornings, drinking either coffee or purple tea. i myself wear a suit and drink hot coffee from a china cup, not mug, and i often walk calmly out the door and to the letterbox before bursting into a mad sprint yelling crazy or profound things (if one is not synonymous with the other =)
there is a girl in a red top who pokes her head outside her window on the second floor of her apartment to stop me with rebuttal to the words i speak, often resulting in comical conversation yelled for all the street to hear.
the street itself only extends in one direction, the other barely exists before an unbusy intersection without traffic lights or cars. the direction of extension goes on for miles and there are very many two storey houses of simple but modern design. our house is more of a cottage, single storey, perhaps still largish in its flat design.
---
if i were to live in fremantle it would be on my own or with a girl i barely know whome i escaped some big issue with (hers not my own), possibly just life.
she is hardly ever at home, not because she has a job or an arrangement with friends, but because she walks places, always on her own.
and though she looks sad she is always very happy.
as the years progress we are to be married but one night she does not come home. in my worry i forget how to live without her, what comes next? and fall off a jetty in the middle of the night with only a lonely streetlight to capture the situation in its forgetful eye.
---
the alex and henry reality never ends, it was always just a fantasy directed around a small period of time.
but every future history requires an end, no matter how contrived the reality.
the blur surrounding the chirping street slowly moves in until i wake up in bed one morning to find it waiting outside my open door. the screaming from a room beyond my own is worst of all. knowing that my friends are trapped, floating in nothing, suffocated by the idea of blank eternity. i sit in bed waiting for it to draw in around me, which it does, but slow enough for me to see each piece of wooden floor consumed and replaced by the flickering perimeter of a distantless white void.
as it steals away my bed my eyes close from their widened state and i fall through the bottom of the world...
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[18 Jan 2004|01:28pm] |
Feelings of anxiety can really sting until you realize that you're alive.
It suddenly occurred to me that these emotions had not been triggered by any specific event, but by a problem that for all I know could be hanging around forever more.
I guess it was a burst of logical reasoning that told me: being alive should not endure an endless inner pain.
I'm starting to wonder whether just coming to terms with the fact that life is now - is what you're doing this very moment and the progressive next - is an almost impeccable medical cure for any emotional sickness.
Please everybody, enjoy what you've got, because it is more than you have realized!
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[15 Jan 2004|12:41pm] |
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| perth city 04 |
[07 Jan 2004|02:11pm] |
it's incredible that places like perth, so heavily populated, can still contain areas of mass isolation.
anyone flying from sydney to perth would be justified in their mock of our tiny town. anywhere to perth for that matter.
but as the past few weeks have taught me, the landscape between here and the horizon is as unknown to me as it is to anyone.
for one to say they hold a firm knowledge of their city, back to front, is merely a statement born from their perception of what their city holds of interest to them; what you see, based on the reasons why you go there and limited by the boundaries of considered importance placed within your life either by your own interests or by somebody else's (society's pop culture for example.)
you can visit perth everyday and follow the same circuit throughout your life, and say you know everything there is to know about the city; a self imposed façade - a truth as the term is known to you. the side alleys will continue to stand there waiting, with little self-interest in their popularity or charm. the buildings will run ribbons into the sky, curling away past your eyes content in always being turned towards the ground.
the places you haven't been are like a thick black smog, a congregation of the ultimate unknown, floating above their existence, clouding your birds-eye view of their presence and position within an open area you perceive to know perfectly well. for many, this area of darkness is not worth a moments hesitation; all they've come to see and do today is what they know and what they've always.
personally though… i would never state my knowledge of a place until its every upturned stone be at my memory and metaphysical command.
command…? -------
control is a wisdom that comes with a confident air. it does not exert power and it is not a built defense in response to fear. it is the calmness of person and mediation of situation. an understanding of living and waste and the time that we have.
-------
there are a thousand ways to get to perth. take the freeway, or negotiate the roads around. we are all connected. the paths of our discussions inclusive, every movement we make, results in an outwards explosion of paths that we, often subconsciously, create.
take the bus in ponderance of that which grows around you, drive, or follow the powerlines by foot - a journey made by machinery everyday, finally made by man - a journey across what barren space we have given industrial advance, highly ignored for its artificial beauty, but one which comes to life upon our interest's peak.
and hey, why not take the river? can you imagine how that would feel? an entirely plausible form of transportation along a highly disregarded path, the likes of which was worshiped for their convenience once; now turned obsolete and indeed turned into static over the progression of time working with our familiarity, turning what seems to be into what must be, creating ignorance and a path well known to be the only one at all…
not ever having left this island, this island's all i know. time enough has come to pass to warrant an exploration of where society was not meant to go. an accomplishment in my eyes for insight into the pipes and fans that keep this city's fragile tourniquet so easily and thickly wrapped around this place.
-------
today destruction found beauty. an unlikely movie, sidekicks, the creation of light as a destructive manifestation in the grace and centered movement of the soul.
and you can't tell whether the sun is setting or rising, because the glow it represents is final either way. to see each waking day in satisfaction or to see each waning sun as a resolution. either way, we must live in the direct knowledge that magic is what we see every day.
"you are here to confront bricks, not that stupid boy"
there is something we can all learn from this…
…or perhaps not.
-------
if I could command a radar of what I haven't seen, I would make open spaces collide . . .
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[30 Dec 2003|09:41pm] |
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"says drama queen we're leaving, say your goodbyes for the hundred millionth time, this house is pushing us out, it's just turning heads now"
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[21 Dec 2003|11:05am] |
coldplay
last night
the most incredible, emotional concert i've ever seen
wow
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[14 Dec 2003|10:38pm] |
I had a lot more fun tonight than I expected I would.
I really felt like I could relate to the children (ha ha ha ha) with my similar state of mind (silly.)
One said I looked like Brittney Spears so I said, "well i hope your helmet is uncomfortable!!!"
Heh heh heh, take that abusive child...
Michelle (spelling not included) was helmetting with me, who I had not met before.
She was pretty cool, but she wanted too leave too much, which I didn't!
I didn't see anybody other than Duck, Hayley and Fiona, but Sound does not start until late tomorrow, so hopefully I will get a chance to walk around the village. . .
Will see if I can get on camels again for Tuesday perhaps.
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[13 Dec 2003|11:14pm] |
A lot of things have happened lately, none of them written.
The most important of which was the meeting with Anna.
We decided that we could work, and we are partners once more.
It is a wonderful feeling, and the thought of her makes me smile.
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[13 Dec 2003|10:34pm] |
Being the laid back type, I have no intention of writing out my day again. So here's the unparagraphed, highly unorganized, extremely unpleasent to read recount of my day:
Kate:what have you been up to today damo?
Me:today i got up and i realized it was too late to proceed with my predetermined plans of going shopping. i just assumed nobody would be around any more to inquire with (to accompany me.) so i continued making rhi's present of sfk cds with covers that i made which i was all excited about. as the day progressed i became more and more stressed about other people's presents, because it seemed like t
Me:here was no time left to make/get them in. i went to my grandads and took photographs that majoratively consisted of a sheet on the washing line, negotiating with the wind, something that needed a camcorder to reallly be caught to any beautiful degree. i came home and almost finished ducks present when i realized i was one cd short and that was kinda annoying really. adam called me at some poin
Me:t and asked if i could put children on camels which i accepted. then i remembered that last years JTB was in the day time and worried that this years was not in the evening as i had expected and instead took place during the day. so i freaked out as i realized i would be unable to do my previously arranged thingoes
Me:hayley had left a message on the machine so i called her back and had a fun conversation with her. we decided to meet on monday to get her present. she assured me JTB was in the evening not the day.
Me:i do not remember much more, but i assume something came after the call and before the now
Me:i realize i do a lot more during the day than i think i do, but i cannot tell anyone because they will not be interested
okay so i did format out the lengthy msn names and add some spiffy bolding effects. laid back and a liar! what is this world coming to!? oh wait, it's just me who's the problem here. damn you me! damn you and all your grandchildren!
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| j e r r y . s t a n d . u p |
[09 Dec 2003|11:58pm] |
Jerry Stand Up is a song by band Something for Kate, centralized around the character of 'jerry'. The song critiques the life of said character - a life of process and unmet desire. jerry is anybody who follows the concrete path, anybody who works to a relentless schedule without any consideration of sideways deflection, anyone who has lost themselves to a profession or a life of secular design.
The lyrics to Jerry Stand Up can be found: ( here )
A week ago I became annoyed at the endless stream of cars. None of their inhabitants would exit their cars and look deep into the sky. None would stop to make use of the benches along the foreshore. All were chained to their position, chained as they moved from home to work to home.
My annoyance lead to thought and I soon created this. Soon, the very simple idea evolved, with the creative interjection of Kate, into a project of sizeable potential.
What it is, exactly, is the attempt to open the eyes of the general public. We act as a reminder that life is not forever, and that this is their only chance.
Donning our business attire in satirical caricature of these robotic men and women, we hold signs of our design, to the tune of Jerry Stand Up, in an attempt to awaken the lost minds within.
We want to put choice back into their lives. We don't believe that life was meant to be a train along metal tracks. Choices and change and spiritual things have all been lost in a linear crawl towards the grave.
We want this to be as big (influential) as possible. If you have an interest that is a start - talk to Kate or I on the subject. This is not a joke to us, and by the date, we would like a dedication in mimic of our own. A commitment to come together on the day and spread our… and hopefully your… sight into their world.
Interest has been shown on Kate's journal by a number of people which is really encouraging. I have also begun work on flyers and as soon as I'm in control of sticker paper I can start printing. The people who have spoken:
Lexi, Brad, sourgirli, Sam.
But I'm not sure who out of these are actually interested in partaking in the exercise, so confirmation would be great.
People I'm looking at with a wondering face are:
Ness, oo_wah, Anna.
Just because I know you're into the band. Maybe it's not enough to propel you, maybe it is, and maybe you don't know about this yet.
A date hasn't of yet been set, but Kate and I will work on Thursday to this and other ends. If you're interested in, on top of participating in the event, the development of signs or flyers, again, let Kate or I know! The same goes for questions and ideas. If you have friends we don't know that display an interest then by all means let them in! But by the (soon to be determined) date, I would like to be able to compile a list of all of those involved.
...sidethoughts:
The sfk fan base in Perth is not as small as we think.
In reality we could probably compose a large scale event.
This time around we should probably keep it small and to ourselves.
If any luck, word of mouth will arouse the attention of others, and if we thought it worth the time to repeat the project, we could probably turn it into a large scale event.
And perhaps, even if the mouths were turned to the ground, we could find a more effective communicative medium?
….But do we want it on a larger scale, or would it all but leave our hands?
Anyway, for now, in early ages, simplicity is the key. . .
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[03 Dec 2003|06:18pm] |
Today Emily taught me how to play drums, which was pretty mad.
I don't think I can go over there too much though, she makes too many jokes about hating me.
I don't think she means it, but I'm probably just getting in the way.
Me and Elliot also saw School of Rock which was... you know, alright.
We attempted to buy something for Olivia/Alisa but that didn't turn out too well, and so we're relying on the efforts of Scott and Alex to pull us through (oh dear =P)
I saw a lot of good gift ideas for other people (yeah, other than the people I was s'posed to be shopping for) but I couldn't spare the cash so I guess I'll be heading back to Garbo at a later date . . . if anyone wants to accompany?
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[01 Dec 2003|02:32pm] |
new e-mail:
finitehorizon at hotmail.com
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